The Merits of the Indirect Approach

I studied mass communication (the different ways we communicate with the masses). In my journalism course, it was drummed into us not to say in 10 words what we can in one. Or in other words, the K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple, Stupid) concept. This inevitably became an ethos I adopted for life. People tried to tell me how to be less indirect but these were just words at that point — I didn’t understand what they meant. Just because I am a woman? Why should I feel like a second-class citizen? Why should I change who I am?

It wasn’t until I suffered a devastating relationship breakup, and upon reading the book “The Way of the Superior Man” by David Deida, that I finally understand what the “indirect” approach meant and the value of it. In the indirect approach, one asks questions rather than tell/ command/ order/ nag/ inform. I now call it “planting seeds” (seeds grow into trees).

For instance:

• “You shouldn’t do that.” vs. “Are you sure this serves you (or yr higher good)?”
• “You’re a moron!” (name calling) vs. “Do you think that was a good idea?”
• “I don’t understand why you did that?!” vs. “I like to understand you more.. what made you decide to do what you did?”

Essentially the indirect approach involves the use of questions to elicit thinking and reflection —…